Reallife: 'What God Has Put Together....' From my Tenth Wedd...

Reallife: 'What God Has Put Together....' From my Tenth Wedd...: A legalistic position is like this: It insists on lecturing a motor accident injury casualty on driving skills! Does it make sense? No! Why?...

Reallife: Look-Up Newsletter Issue 1 Vol 7

Reallife: Look-Up Newsletter Issue 1 Vol 7: Look-Up Newsletter  Issue 1 Vol 7 Editorial  Dear famil y and friends, shalom blessings and a very Happy New Year to you in this still-fresh...

When Healing did not arrive before surgery Pt 1. By John Etornam Agbenyega

When Healing did not arrive before surgery.

...By John Etornam Agbenyega

It was the night before, on May the 1st 2012. Finally it was rapid countdown to my scheduled surgery at Queen Mary's Hospital, Sidcup, in the Kent County of England in the UK. After waiting in believing faith, praying diligently, responding to the prompt to place my hand on the diseased part of my body, during mass healing prayer, HERE WAS I WITHOUT ANY VISIBLE MANIFESTATION OF MY HEALING. WOULD HEALING ARRIVE BEFORE THE SCHEDULING OF MY SURGERY? I WAS HOPEFULLY TRUSTING IT WOULD!!!

Yes, I was recalling two other occasions in my life, when healing did indeed arrive....yes in my body. First was in 1985, began at about 2.00 am on the 12th of June for a viscious, skin allergy that failed to respond to medical treatment. In desperation and yet in trusting faith, I asked God, through His son Jesus for healing. Immediately, I experienced such deep peace, which  upon reflection, I could identify as the presence of  God's healing virtue. Yet this was more than virtue, it was companionship in person. I felt someone joined me in my battle for healing. One who not only identified with my suffering, but had the antidote for the tormenting itch. Needless to say, over the next few weeks I recovered, healed with my skin which was scabing in some places from sore scratching(day and night) was restored. That was in 1985!

Then there was a more recent healing....I say recent, but it really happened nearly 17 years ago in 1995. By this time, I had gotten very cynical in outlook unfortunately and questioned most of what I had been participant in: Healing through the laying on of hands and in answer to prayer. But in 1995, I had also been diagnosed with Asthma more than 5 years before hand. I was on inhalers and wheezing a lot with several allergies associated with the condition. Such as allergies to cereals(to be contd)

Journey Through Pain:Children of couples who are separated or divorced(Pt 3)

Most children and adults rely on family and the home as a buffer zone. They discover in their home a literal environment that is both a refuge and security to withstand the pressures at school, work etc.

a) Try and Stay in the same neighbourhood or town for the children’s sake.
In my opinion a common mistake which a couple can make is to live so far apart that the children begin to feel the physical separation. This is my opinion too! unless there are very practical or logistical reasons why this cannot be arranged, separated or even divorced couples need to try and stay in the same neighbourhood. The reason being, they can continue cooperating for the sake of their children. If this is managed well, it can be a very creative approach for equipping our children in their challenge to face external pressure. Some couples may opt to be geographically separated from their recently separated or divorce spouse due a range of other considerations. Examples can include having a very possessive spouse, who keeps arriving unannounced at the doorstep to check on the other. The answer to this is not necessarily moving to another place geographically, but to enforce some background rules that both spouses would abide by.

b) The attitude of mum and dad towards each other.

IT IS ABSOLUTELY UNNECESSARY FOR COUPLES WHO ARE SEPARATED OR DIVORCED TO BEGIN A COLD WAR! TO INITIATE A SITUATION OF TENSION AND HOSTILITY! THAT IS UNHEALTHY, AND IF THIS IS THE CONDITION IN THE HOME, YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY TO A FEW SURPRISES UNLESS IT CAN BE ACKNOWLEDGED!


c) Their response to third parties is equally important. Children look out and listen to observations being made by either spouse about the other (in his or her absence). The separation or divorce of parents can be a major assault on their very sense of emotional stability. Which means, they crave certainty now than ever? They yearn for reassurance that it is going to be alright…that things are going to be alright. as an indicator state of the union between mum and dad.

Dad must therefore, be careful to portray mum to his family positively and vice versa, even if they have separated or divorced. Be considerate and respectful when representing each other to a third party during conversation. In my own case when I have referred to my spouse, I have been told by others: You must be still in love with her. Why don’t you go back and get reconciled. My response is usually to invite them to continue praying!

d) Mum and Dad must not only practise the golden rule with each other, but also be charitable and generous towards each other.
We need to maintain the process of 'healing and reconciliation' whatever the outcome of the relationship! Now, I finished my evening meal prior to this. Guess who prepared the meal? My spouse of course! Are we under the same roof yet? No! Do I eat a lot of her cooking, Oh yes! I would be really silly not to! Brilliant cook she is! Exchanging items of food, gifts, money, celebrating birthdays and other occasions must be maintained as much as is practically possible. These are family tradition which may not mean a lot to adult men, but are important for the children especially. It is important to accommodate our spouse to the degree they are willing to participate in our lives. My wife has offered suggestions on my personal toiletries, my after shave, showel gel, body spray and the list goes on! This is a valuable contribution she makes because she cares!

NOW I WANT TO MAKE A VERY IMPORTANT POINT! IT ISN'T COMPROMISE! SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO DO THIS! SHE OFFERS AND I ACCEPT. YES, EVEN IF I WERE TO MAKE A REQUEST, IT MUST BE DONE BASED ON THE UNDERSTANDING THAT IT IS ALRIGHT FOR HER TO DECLINE. NO COMPULSION! MUTUAL RESPECT! I believe I have made my points about a) Attitude to each other should be one of mutual respect, b) where third parties are involved, represent our spouses in a respectful manner to them.


IN CONCLUSION:

IT IS IMPORTANT FOR AN ELEMENT OF STABILITY TO BE MAINTAINED, SO THAT OUR CHILDREN CAN PROCESS FOR THEMSELVES (AND WITH OUR GUIDANCE) WHAT WENT WRONG.



It is their personal journey of discovery, and whereas we can walk with them and guide them through it, this remains their unique journey! Now the temptation to control the process by propaganda is very difficult to resist! Because, if we are to allow them to arrive at their own conclusions, they mature, and experience personal growth! The traumatic experience that could have been a reason for lifelong stunted growth, finds an outlet through expression. They make one of the most significant discoveries early in life!

It is necessary it remains so! If there is a mess, IT IS DAD AND MUM WHO REMAIN RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MESS! IT IS DEFINITELY NOT YOUNG TONY AND HIS YOUNGER SIBLING CLARA!

Now the temptation to control the process by propaganda is very difficult to resist! Because, if we allow them to arrive at their own conclusions, they mature and experience personal growth! The traumatic experience that could have been a reason for lifelong stunted growth, finds an outlet through expression. They... make one of the most significant discoveries early in life!

WHAT IS THIS DISCOVERY

It is the discovery that, Dad and Mum are not perfect! This may first come as a shock to them. But later on it becomes a most valuable insight into human frailty. They soon discover that, it is a relief to them, because they are not perfect either. This discovery could become a healthy way forward. Our child’s world needn’t crumble if Dad and Mum are unable to live up to a perfectionist ideal. .

DAD AND MUM ARE BASICALLY FLAWED HUMAN BEINGS LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. CAN THEY BE A ROLE MODEL? YES, BUT MODEL IS A VERY TRANSPARENT REFLECTION OF GENUINENESS AND HONESTY. MUM AND DAD ARE MOST EFFECTIVE, WHEN THEY ARE COMFORTABLE WITH BEING REAL, EVEN VULNERABLE IN FRONT OF TONY AND CLARA! THAT IS THE BEST COURSE IN LIFE SKILLS TO HAVE.

John what are you saying? That divorce and separation are a good thing for children? NO BUDDY! WHAT I AM SAYING IS THAT, DESPITE ALL THE VERY DEPRESSING STATISTICS ABOUT CHILDREN OF SEPARATED PARENTS' INABILITY TO COPE, A SIGNIFICANT NUMBER OF THEM COPE AND SOME EVEN BECOME PRESIDENTS!

AM I ADVOCATING DIVORCE AND SEPARATION? NOT AT ALL! I AM ONLY ASSERTING THAT, IF YOU ARE ALREADY IN SUCH A SITUATION, DON'T GIVE IN TO ANY FURTHER DOOMSDAY SCENARIOS ABOUT HOW YOUR KIDS ARE NOT GOING TO MAKE IT IN LIFE! INSTEAD, PICK YOURSELF UP AND IF PRACTICALLY POSSIBLE REMAIN IN A MUTUALLY CIVIL RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR SPOUSE OR PARTNER!

THEN BEGIN TO BUILD SUCH MUTUALLY RESPECTFUL AND CIVIL COMMUNICATION BRIDGES THAT WOULD ENABLE YOUR CHILDREN TO BE THE LIGHT WITHIN YOUR OWN TUNNEL! NOT AT THE E-N-D OF YOUR SO-CALLED 'DARK' TUNNEL! DON'T EXPECT IT TO BE DARK FOR SO LONG! EVEN IF THE FLASHLIGHT OF HOPE HAS BEEN KNOCKED OUT OF YOUR FEELINGS.BE OPTIMISTIC, IN ANTICPATING THAT YOUR CHILDREN WILL SWITCH ON THEIR INDIVIDUAL LIGHTS OF INSIGHT!

Journey Through Painful Emotions:Children of Divorced and Separated Couples(Pt 2)

For weeks now, I have been reflecting on issues facing separated couples and divorced couples.If you are new to my series of reflections, and interested, you have an opportunity to read my previous series of posts via my blog. Last week, I began introducing some of the issues faced by children of separated and divorced couples

One of the main difficulties that children of divorced or separated parents face is guilt! A low self esteem, can develop from the thought patterns which 'guilt' induces! This is 'complicated' by a number of issues such as a) The 'Surge' of negative emotions that is triggered by the experience of guilt! 'Anger', 'self... loathing' , 'selfcondemnation', 'emotional pain', 'unfulfilled longings', maybe an endless list!

b) Children are still children and often lack the kind of life
experience that equips them to process such 'compelling' thought patterns! Yes indeed 'compelling' at one stage, 'compulsion' at a different stage, if there isn't any support! Without the relevant guidance,that enhances the child's ability/ skill to proces...s such
thoughts...she/he is likely to look elsewhere 'externally' for such guidance!

Processing what went wrong with mum and dad, is just like digesting food. Without some assistance to address their unanswered queries, children rehearse such thoughts again and again in their mind. They have to eventually store such 'unprocessed' information in their memory, as one would try to retain food which isn't ...properly 'digested' in the digestive system.

Some have used such obvious difficulties as a pretense, for hanging on to a 'fractured' relationship at all costs! They have argued, for the children sake, that it is better to stay under the same roof...with mounting tension, angry exchanges(which by the way are closely observed by the children).

In so doing they intend to make an effort to prevent the children from
suffering some of the above mentioned difficulties associated with
broken down homes! Well, if you have been following my series of reflections, then you probably know some of the perspectives I identify with! In other words, what my position is. I ...want to discuss it using my own experience.

In my experience: a) the attitude of mum and dad towards each other could sustain or undermine the efforts at enabling the children PROCESS their experience of what is happening to the family. If mum and dad can exchange views or information as two mutually respectful adults, the children are not going to be distract f...rom focusing on processing their experience effectively.

Next to a) the attitude of mum and dad towards each other, b)their response to third parties is equally important. Children look out and listen to observations being made by either spouse about the other(in his or her absence) for reassurance; as an indicator state of the union between mum and dad.

For example, I am very particular about how I portray my spouse to my family, even though they mainly aware of our separation. In addition, I do my best to be considerate and respectful of her, whenever I refer to her(especially in a public setting). TO A DEGREE THAT, FOLKS HAVE COMMENTED...IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE STILL... IN LOVE WITH HER. WHY DON'T YOU GO BACK AND GET RECONCILED!

To that comment 'about reconciliation' , my response is usually to invite them to continue praying! However, my main emphasis is to maintain the process of 'healing and reconciliation' whatever the outcome! Now, I finished my evening meal prior to this. Guess who prepared the meal? My spouse of course! Are we under the same roof yet?

No! Do I eat a lot of her cooking, Oh yes! I would be really silly not to! Brilliant cook she is! Well, that isn't the only area I have maintained her suport! She still helps me chose this for my personal hygiene, after shave, showel gel, body spray and the list goes on!

NOW I WANT TO MAKE A VERY IMPORTANT POINT! IT ISN'T COMPROMISE! SHE
DOESN'T HAVE TO DO THIS! SHE OFFERS AND I ACCEPT. YES, I REQUEST AND SHE
KNOWS SHE CAN DECLINE. NO COMPULSION! MUTUAL RESPECT!

The point I am trying to make! IT IS ABSOLUTELY UNECESSARY FOR COUPLES WHO ARE SEPARATED OR DIVORCED TO BEGIN A COLD WAR! TO INITIATE A SITUATION OF TENSION AND HOSTILITY! THAT IS UNHEALTHY, AND IF THIS IS THE CONDITION IN THE HOME, YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY TO A FEW SURPRISES UNLESS IT CAN BE ACKNOWLEDGED!

I believe I have made my points about a) Attitude to each other should be one of mutual respect, b) where third parties are involved, represent our spouses in a respectful manner to them. IT IS IMPORTANT FOR AN ELEMENT OF STABILITY TO BE MAINTAINED, SO THAT OUR CHILDREN CAN PROCESS FOR THEMSELVES(AND WITH OUR GUIDANCE) WHAT WENT WRONG.

It is their personal journey of discovery, and whereas we can walk with them and guide through it, this remains their unique journey!

Now the temptation to control the process by propaganda is very difficult to resist! Because, if we are to allow them to arrive at their own conclusions, they mature, experience personal growth! The traumatic experience that could have been a reason for lifelong stunted growth, finds an outlet through expression. They... make one of the most significant discoveries early in life!

http://www.2millionprayersfornigeria.org

Call to Christians worldwide to pray for Nigeria | Christian News on Christian Today

Call to Christians worldwide to pray for Nigeria | Christian News on Christian Today